Cheers
“Sam Writes a Book”
FADE IN:
INT. BAR – HAPPY HOUR
IT’S AN AVERAGE NIGHT. USUAL CUSTOMERS PLUS REGULARS. SAM IS POURING A BEER FROM THE TAP AND CARLA AND COACH ARE TIDYING UP THE ROOM. FRASIER SITS AT THE BAR AND SAM PUTS THE BEER DOWN IN FRONT OF HIM.
FRASIER
Well, I hear congratulations are in order, Sam. You, an author. Will wonders never cease?
SAM
Thank you, Frasier. Coming from you, that’s quite a compliment.
CARLA
A book? Your life in the Red Sox?
CLIFF
Your life as a drunk?
SAM
PICKS UP A GLASS AND STARTS CLEANING IT
Neither. It’s about how to save the oceans. I didn’t want to become a vain jerk who just thought about myself. So I started thinking about the sea.
FRASIER
That’s commendable, Sam. There’s nothing worse than a vain jerk.
COACH AND SAM ROLL THEIR EYES
CARLA
Commendable? The only thing Sam could find bigger than himself was the sea? Isn’t that the thing that covers 75% of the world? What an ego!
COACH
Leave him alone, Carla. It’s not easy being Sam Malone. What’s your book called, Sammy?
SAM
Oceana. And for your information Carla, for modesty’s sake I use a pseudo.. pseudo ..
FRASIER
Nym. Pseudonym.
SAM
Yeah, that’s right. As far as the world is concerned, I’m Ted Danson. Michael D’Orso wrote it with me, and the good folks at Rodale Press published it, and you know they don’t do any trash.
FRASIER
I’ll be the judge of that.
CARLA
Oh come on, snooty pants. Give him a chance. Tell us what it’s about, boss! Are there pirates and sea monsters?
NORM
Is there seafood?
WOODY
What about boats and surfing? I used to surf when I was a kid. I hit my head on rocks a lot.
THEY ALL GIVE ONE ANOTHER A KNOWING LOOK
SAM
It’s about all those things and more. It’s about what we’re doing to the oceans, with oil spills, climate change, plastic trash, acidification, over-fishing…
